Parenting Styles and the Parent as Consultant Role

• Anna Lindberg Cedar introduces William Strood and Ned Johnson, authors of "The Self-Driven Child" and their new book on parenting.
• Ned Johnson explains the authoritative parenting style, emphasizing respect and shared decision-making.
• Ned shares his experience as a clinical neuropsychologist, highlighting the ineffectiveness of forceful parenting.
• Ned discusses the importance of developing a trusting relationship with children, avoiding forceful advice, and fostering intrinsic motivation.

The Role of Intrinsic Motivation in Parenting

• Anna Lindberg Cedar emphasizes the importance of helping children make healthy choices based on intrinsic motivation.
• Ned and William discuss the concept of self-determination theory, focusing on competency, relatedness, and autonomy.
• They explain how forcing decisions on children undermines their confidence and autonomy.
• The consultant approach allows children to feel competent, maintain warm relationships, and make their own decisions.

Practical Strategies for Effective Parenting

• Anna Lindberg Cedar asks about practical strategies for helping children adjust to ADHD medication.
• Ned shares his experience as a family therapist, using paradoxical strategies to disarm children.
• He recounts a success story where a child tried ADHD medication after understanding the consequences of not taking it.
• William and Ned discuss the importance of respectful negotiation and the benefits of not forcing children to take medication.

The Impact of Stress and Emotional Regulation

• Ned Johnson explains how forcing decisions on children can lower their sense of control and increase stress.
• He discusses the role of the prefrontal cortex in decision-making and how stress affects it.
• Ned shares a personal story about helping his daughter with school during COVID, emphasizing the importance of giving her agency.
• William and Ned highlight the need for measured stress to develop emotional regulation and decision-making skills.

The Importance of Empathy in Parenting

• Anna Lindberg Cedar asks about the role of empathy in parenting.
• Ned Johnson explains that empathy involves acknowledging children's feelings and seeing the reasons behind their actions.
• He emphasizes the importance of calming the stress response to help children make better decisions.
• William and Ned discuss the benefits of emotional closeness and how it supports intrinsic motivation and mental health.

Building Emotional Closeness with Children

• Anna Lindberg Cedar asks about strategies for building emotional closeness with children.
• William Johnson shares his experience of spending one-on-one time with his children, emphasizing the importance of undivided attention.
• Ned Johnson adds that understanding children's interests and spending time with them helps build closeness.
• They discuss the importance of listening without judgment and maintaining a supportive relationship.

Collaborative Problem Solving in Parenting

• Anna Lindberg Cedar asks about the language and strategies for collaborative problem solving.
• Ned Johnson explains the process of collaborative problem solving, starting with empathy and understanding the child's perspective.
• He emphasizes the importance of respectful communication and avoiding accusatory questions.
• William Johnson adds that the goal is to help children feel empowered and involved in decision-making.

Radical Acceptance and Parenting

• Anna Lindberg Cedar asks about the concept of radical acceptance in parenting.
• William Johnson explains that the goal is to help children run their own lives while still living at home.
• He emphasizes the importance of giving children practice in making decisions and accepting their choices.
• William and Ned discuss the long-term benefits of this approach, including better decision-making skills and increased confidence.